(I kinda don't have the urge to post this on my Tumblr so I'll just put it here. Also I'm killing two birds with one stone here because this'll be my first blog post here omg yay)
I reckon you, things here will sound silly. Carry on reading if you want, stop here if you won't.
Hi. I'm Sgt. Traveler. Or...I was Sgt. Traveler. I've been considering about changing my username for quite a while right now and I've finally made the move earlier today; the first move was on my Twitter because of how easy name changing works there.
Here's a little story about the current username. Back in 2009, I asked for a name change in a forum from my very first username "Robotic234" (which is boring, generic, and gross at the same time; it also coincides with my 2007 e-mail which wasn't funny I know). I had it, but I wasn't happy with that new name change (It was "IndonesianYCM" (I'm Indonesian, and the forum was Yugioh Card Maker) which without doubt is extremely ridiculous) after a few months in. Then my 11 year old me thought of something around the lines of, "what about something random?!". And so it was born.
Fast forward to 2013. I've thought about myself for quite a while, mainly on the stereotypical things like "men don't cry" and "men need to act tough". I realized that it was stupid for me to think of these kinds of thoughts, but currently I'm in a state of mind where...I just don't feel' normal--in comparison to everything around me. I live in an Islamic environment. Most of the people around me are Moslems. With that simple logic (and I'm taking one of the bigger facts), people around me hates LGBT people. I for one am the only one that doesn't get it; why would you ever hate a thing that you don't have a control over, and nothing you can do about? I'll save the religion talk for later.
But here comes the real problem. I've been thinking about the username for a while:
The military connotation bugs me, especially considering that I'm not quite "the common male" in my mindset. I know this sounds silly, but the more I think of it, the more I kinda don't want to be treated as one anyway. I'm not saying I want to be treated as a female, though. I just don't feel like I fall into both groups. And to think that people would address me as a male makes me feeling uneasy. It's really hard to mutter in words, but I hope you get the idea.
At the end of the day it is pretty silly to think that I'm undergoing a new alias because of one tiny problem (that is, whether or not I'm eligible for one gender), but I've never wanted to grow up with such username, anyway. I've been putting up usernames like KuriKobo or Ikayaki Fever that don't lean much whether one would be one gender or another--because I'm not comfortable with the terms like such.
That said, "singular 'they'" to mention me via a pronoun would be highly appreciated, despite the fact that you knew my gender before. And just to clarify, I'll still be using the old username in some places, but mainly because a) it's hard to do a name change there (for example, Youtube URLs) or b) for reference.
Thanks for reading, and I know how silly and all over the place this blog post is, but...I couldn't contain everything forever by myself. I might be doing more posts like this in the future considering how I know that I'm quite in a brittle, confusing state right now.
tl;dr I've been EXTREMELY INSECURE with people addressing my gender because I don't feel like I'm fitting anywhere on the boundaries. It's pretty sensitive to have that subject touch on the whole username changing business but please trust me on this.